Women are stupid and horny and like to eat cake
February 14th 2008 07:48
Well they are. And I can say that because I'm a woman... or something. One thing you will come to realise about me is that if there's a group of people I don't care about pissing off, it's feminists. Hopefully if by some bizarre occurence a feminist does read the title of my post, they won't get past the first word, as they'll be all stirred up about the fact that I spelt "women" wrong... you know, without a "Y"...
Enough negative energy. In the spirit of spelling easy words wrong...
Enough pessimism when it comes to the concept of romance. In the spirit of the season… or something… instead of bitching about what I find wrong with the world of entertainment as per usual, I’m going to talk about my favourite minor celebrities that I will go as far as to say that I love. After all, if your love is going to be unrequited, it may as well be somewhat famous. I mean, think how bad you would feel if you loved a telemarketer or someone in refrigerator maintenance that doesn’t know you exist.
So here is a list, in no particular order, of the people that I love today, with no guaranteeing that I will still love them in a week or so. They’re just fortunate that this is just happens to be the day of love declarations so they’ve earned themselves a mention on my insignificant blip of a webpage. Any publicity is good publicity, bitches.
If you haven’t gathered from the title of my post, I love Joel McHale, host of the E! network’s extremely budget clip show, The Soup. The program is the highlight of my weekly intake of trashy entertainment news, and while the material is hilarious on its own, this guy is bloody funny. He’s also a lot more personable and charismatic than that other E! presenter, Ryan Seacrest. I don’t understand why the undeniably tall McHale is more of a minor celebrity than midget man Seacrest… which actually means the opposite in terms of who’s more famous. I guess it’s better to maintain a cult status and be known for being totally awesome rather than being… Ryan Seacrest. I love you, Joel McHale, even though a part of me hates you for having my dream job… but after all, is that what love is all about? Kind of hating the person a bit, but somehow overcoming it… or something.
I love Criss Angel, the TV magic queer. Not in a love and marriage sort of way, not in a sexual attraction sort of way, but in the kind of way where I have no respect for him. My dream is to one day own a castle, a castle which I will have bought from the money I have earned hosting a cable TV clip show which slags celebrities (like I said, it’s a dream), and then hire Criss Angel as my court jester. That would be so awesome, just making him follow me around the house, so I can randomly call on him to amuse me by walking on water or throwing himself into a wood chipper. And I wouldn’t have to worry about the help stealing my jewellery, as I’ve seen the bling he drowns himself in and, quite frankly, I have better taste… or something.
I love Michael Cera. I have no idea why, but I do. Maybe because I’m one of the seven people in the world that actually watched Arrested Development. I was cautious about admitting to this one, as he is younger than me, but only by a year and a half… or something. He’s not actually as young as that guy he always plays. There’s just something about him, something that’s not his acting range. Maybe it’s his timing, or delivery… I just don’t know, and I just think he’s great. Maybe that’s what’s so great about him, that I can’t figure out what it is that makes him great… or something.
Last but not least, I love Martin Freeman. Maybe you don’t recognise the name, but if you’ve seen something that’s British that’s funny in the last ten years, you’ve taken notice of him. I think that’s why I love him really, because he’s British. Not Hollywood British like Hugh Grant, or classic British like Colin Firth, just regular, every day humourous British, like a guy you’d meet in a pub. Except he’s still unattainable… just the way I like it… or something.
To the aforementioned men, including the Peter Pan-esque boy thing and the one that wears eyeliner, you rock my socks.
Enough negative energy. In the spirit of spelling easy words wrong...
After all, all real modern romance stories transpire over the internet... it's only a matter of time before couples start texting each other their wedding vowels.
Enough pessimism when it comes to the concept of romance. In the spirit of the season… or something… instead of bitching about what I find wrong with the world of entertainment as per usual, I’m going to talk about my favourite minor celebrities that I will go as far as to say that I love. After all, if your love is going to be unrequited, it may as well be somewhat famous. I mean, think how bad you would feel if you loved a telemarketer or someone in refrigerator maintenance that doesn’t know you exist.
So here is a list, in no particular order, of the people that I love today, with no guaranteeing that I will still love them in a week or so. They’re just fortunate that this is just happens to be the day of love declarations so they’ve earned themselves a mention on my insignificant blip of a webpage. Any publicity is good publicity, bitches.
If you haven’t gathered from the title of my post, I love Joel McHale, host of the E! network’s extremely budget clip show, The Soup. The program is the highlight of my weekly intake of trashy entertainment news, and while the material is hilarious on its own, this guy is bloody funny. He’s also a lot more personable and charismatic than that other E! presenter, Ryan Seacrest. I don’t understand why the undeniably tall McHale is more of a minor celebrity than midget man Seacrest… which actually means the opposite in terms of who’s more famous. I guess it’s better to maintain a cult status and be known for being totally awesome rather than being… Ryan Seacrest. I love you, Joel McHale, even though a part of me hates you for having my dream job… but after all, is that what love is all about? Kind of hating the person a bit, but somehow overcoming it… or something.
I love Criss Angel, the TV magic queer. Not in a love and marriage sort of way, not in a sexual attraction sort of way, but in the kind of way where I have no respect for him. My dream is to one day own a castle, a castle which I will have bought from the money I have earned hosting a cable TV clip show which slags celebrities (like I said, it’s a dream), and then hire Criss Angel as my court jester. That would be so awesome, just making him follow me around the house, so I can randomly call on him to amuse me by walking on water or throwing himself into a wood chipper. And I wouldn’t have to worry about the help stealing my jewellery, as I’ve seen the bling he drowns himself in and, quite frankly, I have better taste… or something.
I love Michael Cera. I have no idea why, but I do. Maybe because I’m one of the seven people in the world that actually watched Arrested Development. I was cautious about admitting to this one, as he is younger than me, but only by a year and a half… or something. He’s not actually as young as that guy he always plays. There’s just something about him, something that’s not his acting range. Maybe it’s his timing, or delivery… I just don’t know, and I just think he’s great. Maybe that’s what’s so great about him, that I can’t figure out what it is that makes him great… or something.
Last but not least, I love Martin Freeman. Maybe you don’t recognise the name, but if you’ve seen something that’s British that’s funny in the last ten years, you’ve taken notice of him. I think that’s why I love him really, because he’s British. Not Hollywood British like Hugh Grant, or classic British like Colin Firth, just regular, every day humourous British, like a guy you’d meet in a pub. Except he’s still unattainable… just the way I like it… or something.
To the aforementioned men, including the Peter Pan-esque boy thing and the one that wears eyeliner, you rock my socks.
| 96 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
