Mary-Kate Olsen drinks coffee... and that's about it.
April 29th 2008 12:35
So the Australian MTV Video Music Awards or whatever it was called happened this weekend. Other than stating that it happened, I’m not going to comment on it any further, as it might prove to be a bit difficult as I didn’t watch it. I did see the video montage of what happened through out the night that they screened during the credits of the production, and I only saw this because they aired the repeat on FOX8 and it ran overtime and I was waiting for Futurama to come on Sunday night.
That’s right, I was didn’t give a second thought to watching an episode of a cancelled cartoon that I would have no doubt seen at least 17 times before, but I didn’t give the MTV Australia Music Video whatever awards a chance. At least I was certain I was going to enjoy Futurama, and with that MTV nonsense I could have given them ninety non-refundable minutes of my life and only walked away from the whole debacle knowing if Khole Kardashian is known for any other reason other than that her sister is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape. And quite frankly, I think I already know the answer. Speaking of inexplixably famous people and their sisters, what’s the deal with Mary-Kate Olsen?
Seeing as how yesterday I spent a fair bit of the day on public transport, and I don’t have a mobile phone that can access the internet or make julienne fries, or an mp3 player that I can watch movies that also transforms into a chess opponent, I bought trashy magazines to read. So in this particular trash magazine’s standard article about crazy crap that celebrities do to stay thin, it mentions that caffeine increases your metabolic rate slightly, and that’s probably why you always see famous people drinking coffee. My theory is that for some reason people seem to think you hold some sort of social esteem if you are seen rushing around with a coffee in your hand, particularly if you’re also wearing ridiculously big sunglasses and talking on a cell phone. It’s like the fur coat of Generation Y. Which once again brings me to Mary-Kate Olsen.
So get this: the article first claims that Mary-Kate is camera shy, to the point that the only time people manage to get photos of her is when she’s getting coffee. But think about this: maybe the only photos that exist of Mary-Kate Olsen capture her getting coffee because that’s about all she does.
Here’s the thing about the Olsen twins. According to the findings of my research on the pair, and by this I mean I looked them up on the Internet Movie Database and then quickly correlated this information with bits from Wikipedia, apart from whatever minor acting gigs it is they do, they run a production company called Dualstar, which was started up when the girls were ten, and which they gained full ownership of when they turned 18. However, just because they own the whole damn shop doesn’t mean they have all that much to do with running the till. After all, they were somehow an active part of it from the age of ten. I don’t know about you, but at that age I was fine tuning my culinary skills by making bakery treats out of mud, and thought that it was totally worth spending what little money I had on Spice Girls Collectors Cards because they were definitely going to increase in value once I had the whole set, so I obviously didn’t have much business sense.
But maybe I’m not giving the girls enough credit. Maybe it’s not that the Olsen twins don’t do much more than sit around and drink coffee. Maybe what’s actually going on is the Olsen twins do so much, so fast, in a ninja-stealth kind of manner, their career moves are not visible to the naked eye. Testament to this is the fact that about four years about when I was working at a CD store I received a box of stock that contained not one, not two, but THREE volumes of a greatest hits CD collection released by the Olsen twins. I didn’t know they even had any hits… I didn’t even know that they sang. Well not to the extent that it would warrant them putting together THREE greatest hits albums. Just to put it in perspective, not even the old guys like Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen have released massive multi-volume hits collections to this scale.
Even more amazing than the fact that these Olsen twin albums existed, is the fact that we sold all three of them… to separate parties. The Olsen girls must be thanking God, or whatever spiritual body celebrity coffee drinkers worship, for dumb parents that don’t talk to their kids that just walk into retail outlets on their birthdays and say to the girl behind the counter “My kid’s five today, what would he/she want”? And the dumb parents thank me for being an honest face whose just trying to make sure that their kid has a happy birthday and isn’t actually a sales person. And I thank God, or the coffee, or whatever it is that gives the Olsen twins the power to produce such awful products that are somehow profitable to all concerned without even trying. The system rocks \m/
That’s right, I was didn’t give a second thought to watching an episode of a cancelled cartoon that I would have no doubt seen at least 17 times before, but I didn’t give the MTV Australia Music Video whatever awards a chance. At least I was certain I was going to enjoy Futurama, and with that MTV nonsense I could have given them ninety non-refundable minutes of my life and only walked away from the whole debacle knowing if Khole Kardashian is known for any other reason other than that her sister is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape. And quite frankly, I think I already know the answer. Speaking of inexplixably famous people and their sisters, what’s the deal with Mary-Kate Olsen?
Seeing as how yesterday I spent a fair bit of the day on public transport, and I don’t have a mobile phone that can access the internet or make julienne fries, or an mp3 player that I can watch movies that also transforms into a chess opponent, I bought trashy magazines to read. So in this particular trash magazine’s standard article about crazy crap that celebrities do to stay thin, it mentions that caffeine increases your metabolic rate slightly, and that’s probably why you always see famous people drinking coffee. My theory is that for some reason people seem to think you hold some sort of social esteem if you are seen rushing around with a coffee in your hand, particularly if you’re also wearing ridiculously big sunglasses and talking on a cell phone. It’s like the fur coat of Generation Y. Which once again brings me to Mary-Kate Olsen.
So get this: the article first claims that Mary-Kate is camera shy, to the point that the only time people manage to get photos of her is when she’s getting coffee. But think about this: maybe the only photos that exist of Mary-Kate Olsen capture her getting coffee because that’s about all she does.
Here’s the thing about the Olsen twins. According to the findings of my research on the pair, and by this I mean I looked them up on the Internet Movie Database and then quickly correlated this information with bits from Wikipedia, apart from whatever minor acting gigs it is they do, they run a production company called Dualstar, which was started up when the girls were ten, and which they gained full ownership of when they turned 18. However, just because they own the whole damn shop doesn’t mean they have all that much to do with running the till. After all, they were somehow an active part of it from the age of ten. I don’t know about you, but at that age I was fine tuning my culinary skills by making bakery treats out of mud, and thought that it was totally worth spending what little money I had on Spice Girls Collectors Cards because they were definitely going to increase in value once I had the whole set, so I obviously didn’t have much business sense.
But maybe I’m not giving the girls enough credit. Maybe it’s not that the Olsen twins don’t do much more than sit around and drink coffee. Maybe what’s actually going on is the Olsen twins do so much, so fast, in a ninja-stealth kind of manner, their career moves are not visible to the naked eye. Testament to this is the fact that about four years about when I was working at a CD store I received a box of stock that contained not one, not two, but THREE volumes of a greatest hits CD collection released by the Olsen twins. I didn’t know they even had any hits… I didn’t even know that they sang. Well not to the extent that it would warrant them putting together THREE greatest hits albums. Just to put it in perspective, not even the old guys like Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen have released massive multi-volume hits collections to this scale.
Even more amazing than the fact that these Olsen twin albums existed, is the fact that we sold all three of them… to separate parties. The Olsen girls must be thanking God, or whatever spiritual body celebrity coffee drinkers worship, for dumb parents that don’t talk to their kids that just walk into retail outlets on their birthdays and say to the girl behind the counter “My kid’s five today, what would he/she want”? And the dumb parents thank me for being an honest face whose just trying to make sure that their kid has a happy birthday and isn’t actually a sales person. And I thank God, or the coffee, or whatever it is that gives the Olsen twins the power to produce such awful products that are somehow profitable to all concerned without even trying. The system rocks \m/
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