Mr Nice GuyMy ass your face, Kim Kardashian!
April 14th 2008 13:38
So I haven’t written a blog entry in a fair while. I figured I was entitled to an unpaid vacation seeing as how I’m not getting paid even when I am contributing to the celebrity trash superhighway. I know when you have an Orble blog you can set up one of those accounts so that you can actually bring in some money for being just another lame wad with a computer and nothing better to do who can string a sentence together, but as of yet I haven’t been bothered to get all of that up and running, because I doubt the twelve cents a week I could potentially be earning would even cover the printing costs of the statements my bank would have to send to me as a result of these vast amounts of wealth accumulating in my account. Besides, if this sort of thing is what I want to do with my life i.e. writing on the internet I should be getting accustomed to the standard salary package i.e. nothing. However, I’m not concerned about how I’ll make ends meet, because apparently I have other bankable qualities. (Note: According to my spell check ‘bankable’ is actually a word. Here I was thinking it only existed in the E! Entertainment Network’s dictionary, next to “cougar tale” and long before “starlicious”.)
I don’t normally mention the boring stuff that happens to me in my day to day life in my writings, as they’re not interesting because I’m not a celebrity. Besides I’m far too busy talking about the boring stuff that happens to celebrities in their day to day life, that for some reason isn’t boring and is actually rather interesting purely because they are celebrities, in the hope that my blog will become some well known that I too will be a celebrity, and then the boring stuff that happens to me becomes interesting, and then I can write about it on my blog, which is about celebrities. And if that plan fails, I can just sell my ass on the internet.
You see, I have several ventures going on about the place, including this blog, all for the sake of earning myself a PAID position working somewhere within the entertainment industry i.e. probably not an internet columnist. I am currently midway through a live production training course in which I am part of a group making a music video for a band trying to make a name for them selves. Despite this fact I’m not going to mention them by name, as I’m trying to remain anonymous through-out my pop culture assault, even though I stupidly registered the account for this blog under my full name, not realising it would be displayed on screen, and I don’t know how to change it.
But what’s in a name? Take for example, the name Kim Kardashian… everyone hears it and thinks to themselves “I know that name… but I don’t know why”. Seriously, why is she famous? How is it possible she is famous? It doesn’t click in the average trash consumer’s head who she is when they hear the name, or even when they see her face. It’s not until they go for the wide shot of her ass that you hear people say “Ah yes!It’s Kim Kardashian, who is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape!”
Just to make sure that Kim Kardashian really does do nothing, I looked up her “Filmography” on the Internet Movie Database. Turns out she was the chick in that Fall Out Boy film clip. You know the one, with the monkeys in it, and the supposedly hot member of the band has to kiss a chick on camera and the monkey tells him that he’s doing it wrong and then demonstrates the proper technique, which is ironic because that guy looks like an ape anyway. But yeah, that chick is Kim Kardashian, and I didn’t even realise, even though I’ve literally seen that clip 57 times. I suspect this was because there was no decent ass shot and hence she was unrecognisable.
Anyway, in the realm of my music video and the group of people which I am working with is that one of the guys allegedly made a comment to one of the other people in the team about how he could make a lot of money if he had an ass like mine, or something along those lines. As of yet I haven’t been offended by this comment, one because this guy is an idiot, and two because I’m still trying to figure out what he meant by it, because to me it sounds like he wants me to be the donor in a butt transplant operation rather than take on the role of my pimp. But if the allegations are true, then I’m destined to go places, as a girl can really make a name for herself when she possesses such assets… ha.
To prove my point I did a little experiment that has absolutely no scientific relevance using a famous online tool, the Google search. First, I searched the words “Pop Rocks”, as in the exploding candy treat which inspired the theme for my blog. It came up with 1 260 000 results, and I couldn’t find my blog within the first ten pages of this collection, even though I use these words on a regular basis. So I narrowed it down a bit, and searched “Pop Rock Factory”, which is the exact name of my site. This search came back with 641 000 results, and I still couldn’t find my blog in the first ten pages.
Then I searched “Kim Kardashian”. I got 8 800 000 results. Then to narrow it down once again, I searched “Kim Kardashian’s ass”. 1 950 000 results. That’s 700 000 more than “Pop Rocks”, a product that first went onto the market in 1975, five years before Ms Kardashian was even born, let alone getting her ass out there. So what I have determined from this intense and credible study is that not only is Kim Kardashian more famous than me, her ass alone is more of a celebrity than I am. Kim Kardashian’s ass may be more famous than her face, but it is also more famous than my face, and most probably yours too. More famous than you’ll ever imagine.
But at the end of the day, I too have a rocking ass (alledgedy). Ahh… money in the bank.
I don’t normally mention the boring stuff that happens to me in my day to day life in my writings, as they’re not interesting because I’m not a celebrity. Besides I’m far too busy talking about the boring stuff that happens to celebrities in their day to day life, that for some reason isn’t boring and is actually rather interesting purely because they are celebrities, in the hope that my blog will become some well known that I too will be a celebrity, and then the boring stuff that happens to me becomes interesting, and then I can write about it on my blog, which is about celebrities. And if that plan fails, I can just sell my ass on the internet.
You see, I have several ventures going on about the place, including this blog, all for the sake of earning myself a PAID position working somewhere within the entertainment industry i.e. probably not an internet columnist. I am currently midway through a live production training course in which I am part of a group making a music video for a band trying to make a name for them selves. Despite this fact I’m not going to mention them by name, as I’m trying to remain anonymous through-out my pop culture assault, even though I stupidly registered the account for this blog under my full name, not realising it would be displayed on screen, and I don’t know how to change it.
But what’s in a name? Take for example, the name Kim Kardashian… everyone hears it and thinks to themselves “I know that name… but I don’t know why”. Seriously, why is she famous? How is it possible she is famous? It doesn’t click in the average trash consumer’s head who she is when they hear the name, or even when they see her face. It’s not until they go for the wide shot of her ass that you hear people say “Ah yes!It’s Kim Kardashian, who is famous for having a big ass and a sex tape!”
Just to make sure that Kim Kardashian really does do nothing, I looked up her “Filmography” on the Internet Movie Database. Turns out she was the chick in that Fall Out Boy film clip. You know the one, with the monkeys in it, and the supposedly hot member of the band has to kiss a chick on camera and the monkey tells him that he’s doing it wrong and then demonstrates the proper technique, which is ironic because that guy looks like an ape anyway. But yeah, that chick is Kim Kardashian, and I didn’t even realise, even though I’ve literally seen that clip 57 times. I suspect this was because there was no decent ass shot and hence she was unrecognisable.
Anyway, in the realm of my music video and the group of people which I am working with is that one of the guys allegedly made a comment to one of the other people in the team about how he could make a lot of money if he had an ass like mine, or something along those lines. As of yet I haven’t been offended by this comment, one because this guy is an idiot, and two because I’m still trying to figure out what he meant by it, because to me it sounds like he wants me to be the donor in a butt transplant operation rather than take on the role of my pimp. But if the allegations are true, then I’m destined to go places, as a girl can really make a name for herself when she possesses such assets… ha.
To prove my point I did a little experiment that has absolutely no scientific relevance using a famous online tool, the Google search. First, I searched the words “Pop Rocks”, as in the exploding candy treat which inspired the theme for my blog. It came up with 1 260 000 results, and I couldn’t find my blog within the first ten pages of this collection, even though I use these words on a regular basis. So I narrowed it down a bit, and searched “Pop Rock Factory”, which is the exact name of my site. This search came back with 641 000 results, and I still couldn’t find my blog in the first ten pages.
Then I searched “Kim Kardashian”. I got 8 800 000 results. Then to narrow it down once again, I searched “Kim Kardashian’s ass”. 1 950 000 results. That’s 700 000 more than “Pop Rocks”, a product that first went onto the market in 1975, five years before Ms Kardashian was even born, let alone getting her ass out there. So what I have determined from this intense and credible study is that not only is Kim Kardashian more famous than me, her ass alone is more of a celebrity than I am. Kim Kardashian’s ass may be more famous than her face, but it is also more famous than my face, and most probably yours too. More famous than you’ll ever imagine.
But at the end of the day, I too have a rocking ass (alledgedy). Ahh… money in the bank.
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