Mr Nice GuyDo you think Johnny Depp is attractive?
February 27th 2008 09:41
So, the Oscar’s happened. I was going to write about it the day after it happened, but I was too freaking tired because I stayed up to all hours watching the freaking Oscars. But hey, a blogger took home Best Original Screenplay, so I will persevere. Until I reach that level of success I’ll just have to keep myself amused with my collection of things that look like Oscars.
I’m sure there are many important issues I should be addressing in regards to the Oscars, but there are plenty of writers out there who actually get paid to do what needs to be done, and to do it on time while people still care. Surprisingly, there was really only one, somewhat unrelated, issue that bothered me about the whole affair. So I’m just gonna come right out and beg the question that those who have blogged before me must have thought but where too afraid too ask:
Why the hell do women find Johnny Depp attractive?
I’ll have you note that when I said “women”, I wasn’t including myself. I’ll also have you note that I spelt the word correctly. I don’t know when poor spelling became a feminist statement. I still don’t understand what they have against bras. Even if they were invented by a man to suit male conventions or whatever and all that noise, life is a hell of a lot harder without them. Anyway, I’ll get back to the point I’m trying to make, just as long as another opportunity doesn’t arise for me to rant about pseudo-feminism.
There is one last thing I want you to note, and then you can retire your notebook, because I’m sure that you are literally writing all this down. When I said that I don’t include myself in the mass majority of women that find Johnny Depp attractive, it wasn’t because I don’t think he is attractive, because I do. But I figure I should be set apart from the rest of the women in the world who are all about Johnny Depp because if you were to actually see or speak to me in real life, you would realise that I am the type of girl that would love Johnny Depp.
I’m not going to claim that I belong to a particular expected sub-culture of such a girl, not because I don’t want to pigeon-hole myself, or because I am concerned with society’s need to conform everyone to a stereotype, but simply due to the fact that I’m sure none of these sub-cultures in question would appreciate me going around claiming that I am a part of their respective social movements, as it would be detrimental to their cause, as most of the time I’m just taking the piss. Kind of like when P. Diddy ran around shoving that “Vote or Die” campaign down people’s throats around the US Election and then didn’t even vote himself. Yeah, exactly like that. I am Sean Combs.
So now we’ve established that I love Johnny Depp, and why I love him, or at least how I am kind of expected to love him, but what about the rest of the female population of the universe? They all seem to love him too. We’re talking the same women that love George Clooney and Brad Pitt. I mean, I think he’s totally awesome, but I just don’t understand how Johnny has managed to work himself into the same equation of hotness. I mean, you’ve seen him on the red carpet, with that hobo-shique thing he’s got going on.
If you don’t know what I’m on about, and at this point it’s safe to assume you don’t, picture it like this: imagine all of these people I have mentioned thus far are students at an American teen movie-esque high school. That would make Clooney the captain of the football team, and Pitt the… captain of… some other sports team. The point is they would be the same guys in the hypothetical that they are now, because those type of text book “Mr. Right” figures are just born that way.
As for Depp… he would be the president of the Audio Visual Club. He would be the bass player that rehearses every lunch break but never improves. He would be the mysterious guy clad in military boots and a trench coat that no one notices until he either threatens his life or someone else’s or some popular chick gets challenged to turn him into 21 Jump Street Depp in time for the Prom. If it wasn’t for the latter scenario, none of the girls at this school would have paid him any attention. Since when is the message of teen movies that you are fine just the way you are?
So what makes these chicks swoon over him 20 or so years on? I just don’t know. If he wasn’t famous, Depp would probably be that weird looking yet intelligent guy trying to make conversation with them while they wait for a train that they assume is going to ask them if they have any spare change. If he wasn’t an actor, he’d probably be that guy yammering on about his socialist newspaper while they’re trying to attend to important business at the mall.
So why does the average woman love Johnny Depp? I have no idea. That was the whole point of this post. All I have to say about it is that even if Depp was just some guy I met at the pub, I’d still think he rocks. Maybe I’d even ask him to about the whole burning bras thing… after all, he contributes to a socialist newspaper.
Multi-award winner...
I’m sure there are many important issues I should be addressing in regards to the Oscars, but there are plenty of writers out there who actually get paid to do what needs to be done, and to do it on time while people still care. Surprisingly, there was really only one, somewhat unrelated, issue that bothered me about the whole affair. So I’m just gonna come right out and beg the question that those who have blogged before me must have thought but where too afraid too ask:
Why the hell do women find Johnny Depp attractive?
I’ll have you note that when I said “women”, I wasn’t including myself. I’ll also have you note that I spelt the word correctly. I don’t know when poor spelling became a feminist statement. I still don’t understand what they have against bras. Even if they were invented by a man to suit male conventions or whatever and all that noise, life is a hell of a lot harder without them. Anyway, I’ll get back to the point I’m trying to make, just as long as another opportunity doesn’t arise for me to rant about pseudo-feminism.
There is one last thing I want you to note, and then you can retire your notebook, because I’m sure that you are literally writing all this down. When I said that I don’t include myself in the mass majority of women that find Johnny Depp attractive, it wasn’t because I don’t think he is attractive, because I do. But I figure I should be set apart from the rest of the women in the world who are all about Johnny Depp because if you were to actually see or speak to me in real life, you would realise that I am the type of girl that would love Johnny Depp.
I’m not going to claim that I belong to a particular expected sub-culture of such a girl, not because I don’t want to pigeon-hole myself, or because I am concerned with society’s need to conform everyone to a stereotype, but simply due to the fact that I’m sure none of these sub-cultures in question would appreciate me going around claiming that I am a part of their respective social movements, as it would be detrimental to their cause, as most of the time I’m just taking the piss. Kind of like when P. Diddy ran around shoving that “Vote or Die” campaign down people’s throats around the US Election and then didn’t even vote himself. Yeah, exactly like that. I am Sean Combs.
So now we’ve established that I love Johnny Depp, and why I love him, or at least how I am kind of expected to love him, but what about the rest of the female population of the universe? They all seem to love him too. We’re talking the same women that love George Clooney and Brad Pitt. I mean, I think he’s totally awesome, but I just don’t understand how Johnny has managed to work himself into the same equation of hotness. I mean, you’ve seen him on the red carpet, with that hobo-shique thing he’s got going on.
If you don’t know what I’m on about, and at this point it’s safe to assume you don’t, picture it like this: imagine all of these people I have mentioned thus far are students at an American teen movie-esque high school. That would make Clooney the captain of the football team, and Pitt the… captain of… some other sports team. The point is they would be the same guys in the hypothetical that they are now, because those type of text book “Mr. Right” figures are just born that way.
As for Depp… he would be the president of the Audio Visual Club. He would be the bass player that rehearses every lunch break but never improves. He would be the mysterious guy clad in military boots and a trench coat that no one notices until he either threatens his life or someone else’s or some popular chick gets challenged to turn him into 21 Jump Street Depp in time for the Prom. If it wasn’t for the latter scenario, none of the girls at this school would have paid him any attention. Since when is the message of teen movies that you are fine just the way you are?
So what makes these chicks swoon over him 20 or so years on? I just don’t know. If he wasn’t famous, Depp would probably be that weird looking yet intelligent guy trying to make conversation with them while they wait for a train that they assume is going to ask them if they have any spare change. If he wasn’t an actor, he’d probably be that guy yammering on about his socialist newspaper while they’re trying to attend to important business at the mall.
So why does the average woman love Johnny Depp? I have no idea. That was the whole point of this post. All I have to say about it is that even if Depp was just some guy I met at the pub, I’d still think he rocks. Maybe I’d even ask him to about the whole burning bras thing… after all, he contributes to a socialist newspaper.
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