Excuse me doctor, I think I know a little something about medicine.
March 16th 2008 12:01
Have you ever noticed that if you’re famous for long enough, you somehow earn the right to speak about subjects that you don’t actually know anything about, that deal with fields that you aren’t actually familiar with?
Take for example, medicine. Someone, somewhere, must have worked out an equation that determines a ratio of how many years you have been famous to how many years you would have spent at an educational institution earning the actual certifications to become a doctor and decided that the effort put into both career paths is about the same and therefore you should come out on the other end with equal rights in the medical field. Vicodin prescriptions for all!
This one time I was reading Cleo or Cosmo or one of those other trashy women’s magazines with those sealed sections that contain something like a collection of pictures which you use to determine how your vagina compares to everyone else’s or a step by step guide on how to have sex with another woman. Believe it or not those where actual articles that have been printed over the last couple of years. If I met a guy that told me he read these supposed “chick” magazines I wouldn’t think it was somehow a gay tendency because there’s more pictures of semi to totally nude ladies and articles about lesbian call-girls in those publications than in the raunchy men’s ones. Now, I was trying to make a point…
Oh yes I remember. One month I was reading this particular magazine’s regular article which featured the answers to stupid health questions that people are supposedly too afraid to ask their doctors or their friends, possibly for fear of looking stupid. However if these are legitimate questions from flesh and blood readers who actually have a serious medical problems, and instead of seeing a health care professional would rather seek the advice of someone who also writes the articles about how hairy men like your vagina to be and what women want you to do when you have lesbian sex with them, disregarding the fact that you are a woman yourself and therefore should already have some idea, then you are obviously stupid, and your friends and your doctor are fully aware of that fact.
So the question that got me in particular was this woman asked if it was okay to pee in the shower. Now, my answer to that would have been even if it was medically okay, you still shouldn’t do it, as the water falling from the shower doesn’t go down the drain straight away, as it tends to pool on the floor, so you’ll be pretty much standing in a puddle of your own pee. Also, there’s a pretty good chance that the room of your house which contains the shower also contains a toilet, so why not make use of these facilities. But hey, what do I know, I’m not Madonna.
That’s right, the genius who compiled the article wrote in response to the pee question that Madonna believes that it’s a healthy practice to piss in the shower, as urine has antiseptic properties and can cure ailments such as athlete’s foot. Even if this is true, what got to me was that Madonna was the only person quoted as a source of information in the answer. Not a “doctor to the stars”, not a medical study conducted at some university you’ve never heard of… Madonna.
For hard evidence of this phenomenon, look no further than the information super highway that is Oprah. You know as well as I do that she knows everything about everything, and just as I do you have no idea why. Once again, it must have something to do with the whole being famous and on television thing equating to superior academic achievements. Anyway, she gets to put her two cents in on everything, even when people are asking doctor type questions to that real doctor that comes on her show, who we know is a real doctor because he wears scrubs, just like the guys on the show of the same name. They’re real doctors too. And so is Oprah because she watches Grey’s Anatomy.
The really stupid thing is that it happens on the local front too, with considerably less famous people. I mean, Channel Seven has Georgie Parker host every medical type show that they air. Just because she was in a TV program set in a hospital for several years longer than she should have been, it doesn’t make her a doctor. In fact, she didn’t even play a doctor on the show! Poser…
In conclusion, if you’re famous, you also have medical credentials, which I think rocks. I can’t wait until I’m at the level of fame where I can go around telling people that if you only eat naked in front of the mirror after 3pm you won’t put on weight, and have them believe me. Take that, Oprah!
Take for example, medicine. Someone, somewhere, must have worked out an equation that determines a ratio of how many years you have been famous to how many years you would have spent at an educational institution earning the actual certifications to become a doctor and decided that the effort put into both career paths is about the same and therefore you should come out on the other end with equal rights in the medical field. Vicodin prescriptions for all!
This one time I was reading Cleo or Cosmo or one of those other trashy women’s magazines with those sealed sections that contain something like a collection of pictures which you use to determine how your vagina compares to everyone else’s or a step by step guide on how to have sex with another woman. Believe it or not those where actual articles that have been printed over the last couple of years. If I met a guy that told me he read these supposed “chick” magazines I wouldn’t think it was somehow a gay tendency because there’s more pictures of semi to totally nude ladies and articles about lesbian call-girls in those publications than in the raunchy men’s ones. Now, I was trying to make a point…
Oh yes I remember. One month I was reading this particular magazine’s regular article which featured the answers to stupid health questions that people are supposedly too afraid to ask their doctors or their friends, possibly for fear of looking stupid. However if these are legitimate questions from flesh and blood readers who actually have a serious medical problems, and instead of seeing a health care professional would rather seek the advice of someone who also writes the articles about how hairy men like your vagina to be and what women want you to do when you have lesbian sex with them, disregarding the fact that you are a woman yourself and therefore should already have some idea, then you are obviously stupid, and your friends and your doctor are fully aware of that fact.
So the question that got me in particular was this woman asked if it was okay to pee in the shower. Now, my answer to that would have been even if it was medically okay, you still shouldn’t do it, as the water falling from the shower doesn’t go down the drain straight away, as it tends to pool on the floor, so you’ll be pretty much standing in a puddle of your own pee. Also, there’s a pretty good chance that the room of your house which contains the shower also contains a toilet, so why not make use of these facilities. But hey, what do I know, I’m not Madonna.
That’s right, the genius who compiled the article wrote in response to the pee question that Madonna believes that it’s a healthy practice to piss in the shower, as urine has antiseptic properties and can cure ailments such as athlete’s foot. Even if this is true, what got to me was that Madonna was the only person quoted as a source of information in the answer. Not a “doctor to the stars”, not a medical study conducted at some university you’ve never heard of… Madonna.
For hard evidence of this phenomenon, look no further than the information super highway that is Oprah. You know as well as I do that she knows everything about everything, and just as I do you have no idea why. Once again, it must have something to do with the whole being famous and on television thing equating to superior academic achievements. Anyway, she gets to put her two cents in on everything, even when people are asking doctor type questions to that real doctor that comes on her show, who we know is a real doctor because he wears scrubs, just like the guys on the show of the same name. They’re real doctors too. And so is Oprah because she watches Grey’s Anatomy.
The really stupid thing is that it happens on the local front too, with considerably less famous people. I mean, Channel Seven has Georgie Parker host every medical type show that they air. Just because she was in a TV program set in a hospital for several years longer than she should have been, it doesn’t make her a doctor. In fact, she didn’t even play a doctor on the show! Poser…
In conclusion, if you’re famous, you also have medical credentials, which I think rocks. I can’t wait until I’m at the level of fame where I can go around telling people that if you only eat naked in front of the mirror after 3pm you won’t put on weight, and have them believe me. Take that, Oprah!
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